I am just so sick of myslef. As far as everyone else is concerned, I stopped smoking two years ago but I have this monkey on my back even to thisday. What's wrong with me? I only smoke the odd cigarette, maybe once or twice a week, but why???? I can't be adicted, it's far too late for a physical addiction to exist. I just can't stop myself still having a cigarette. I don't want to discourage anyone I know it's depressing to think about it if you've onlt just stopped but I need somebody's help.

Have you considered the circumstances surrounding your desire to actually have this 'one or two' per week?

Its a monkey on your back - maybe, but I wouldn't go to the extreme to say you are not addicted if you are still allowing yourself to have this one or two per week. I see it as a cut down method which although not fully 100% quit, its a far healthier route than smoking 50-100 or more per week.

There is nothing wrong with you - its just a craving that you need to 'fight' from within to take control rather than let it control you.

The only thing i'm a little 'concerned' about, is that others around you who could have supported you through these last two years, are not aware of your 1-2 per week. They may have been able to give you that encouragement to stop fully before now.

Its only advice. You choose whether to read it/accept it/act on it. But I'm here to support you and others as much as I am to try and quit myself.

Gary

Thanks Gary. It means so much to know that somebody is supportive. I was very wary about posting on this forum because I don't want to discourage people from trying. As you say, even one or two is better than 50 - 100.

What I don't understand is this hasn't been a gradual reduction and I'm left with these few. I have actually stopped completely and not had any desire for a cigarette at all and then suddenly... Why? It must have been over Christmas, that's all I can think. Maybe being at home for two weeks, not going to work, out of my routine?

You're so right about control - last night I was thinking about it for maybe an hour or two before finally "giving in" - and it felt just like that, like this was inevitable. From some time in the afternoon I knew it was going to happen and finally I gave up fighting.

As to the others who could help me, that's a sore point. I gave up smoking because my husband has a heart condition and I wanted to encourage him. Guess what? I gave up (90% at least) and he is still smoking! How annoying is that? Maybe I'll talk to my daughter.
Thanks

However hard you try - he must want to give up of his own accord before you can allow yourself to help him. Trying to encourage is fine, but do not be down-hearted if he refuses.

As for what got you going again - or stopped you quitting completely - it could be any extra stress/pressure or routine change as you have mentioned.

My brother-in-law stopped for 6 months then asked me the other day for a cig. I said no, and when he went to work he'd bought himself 20. I couldn't do anything, and neither could my sister, but she was although frustrated, still supportive of the matter-of-fact that it was his choice.

Anyone does anything for any reason *some are not quite so good a reason as others lol* but it is well worth noting that the majority of people choose what they do. Like I'm choosing now to seek out support for quitting.

Thanks. How about you? What stage are you at? You've certainly got the right attitude, far more sensible than mine. I just start to panic and feel completely out of control, but you're right, everybody makes a choice every time.
How long since you started stopping, if you know what I mean?

I'm not doing too badly (I would say that). From an average of 15+ per day, i've counted how many I have had over the last 5 days.

It totals 43, which, from 15+ a day, to under 9 a day, is a step in the right direction. Hopefully I'll be down to close on stopping before I get off my holiday from work (if not stopped). I have 2.5 weeks left, so its not a physically impossible target.

Thanks for your support - I think that has helped me avoid the 'have a cig before bed' craving.